just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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