this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
