and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
