you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
