why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
A+ Viking dick
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
