Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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