there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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