make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
