Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
