Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
