I feel great
I just peed on a car
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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