giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize