You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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