I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pants are for mortals
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
