We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
