mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize