Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
