tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
