Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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