Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
