Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
