Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
