Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
