yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
