I cockslap morals
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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