he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
3 2 1 whiskey
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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