He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
