I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
