Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You did what with his pubic hair?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
