dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
