you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
