im six kinds of drunk right now
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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