I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
