Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize