I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
