i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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