Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
