I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
