How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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