We won't sleep together?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize