Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
