I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize