it wasn't lemon gatorade
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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