There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
