we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
