unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
