I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
