Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
