I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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