I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
