Tell her she can't have a vagina
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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