My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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