i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
