Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
