just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
pray to the hookup gods
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
