I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize