did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
