hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
