At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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