Fine. I'll sleep in my office
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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