Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
