she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
