well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
