Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
