new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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