If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh god it's open bar.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
